It’s not you, it’s me; is about complete accountability of one’s life journey. From an Islamic perspective we have been prepared for life on Earth. It is indeed a turbulent and over all a short journey. Yet it feels extremely long when we are experiencing hardships. Living in the western mindset, I chased this word. Love, money, status, beauty, fame etc. I even reached my goals on some of these things and the contentment never came with it.
There was a constant void I was looking to fill, and I tried every angle to do so. With no success, I dove deeper into spirituality. I investigated Buddhism, as it attracted my souls need for peace. I opposed and rejected Islamic guidance that was given to me, due to feelings of frustration towards the hypocritical and controlling narrative in “South Asian Deen”.
Each bad experience that came my way, I took as a beating and became disenchanted with life. Which fed into the cycle of me chasing this duniya.
Fast forward 30 years after having experienced all the below. I started experiencing flash backs Islam I read about years before.
- Sexual abuse
- Cultural abuse
- Spiritual abuse
- Abandonment
- Divorce
- Betrayal / Infidelity
- Addictions
- Estrangement
- Low Iman
- Homelessness
- Debt
The deep dive back into Deen, has lasted 5 years now and the journey has only just begun!
The practical and realistic approach that Islam has to offer, is like no other. Islam identifies all aspects of the Human experience, whilst providing guidance and tools to get through each phase of life.
I put aside the narrative that Islam is only for the “Perfect” Muslim. The more I read about Islam, the more I discovered that my imperfections were gateways to getting closer to Allah SWT. Our weaknesses are signals to what needs assessing and changing.
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2499
When I read the above Hadith, my heart opened, and I realised we were built flawed. The Point is, that we continuously strive to clean up our act throughout our journey on Earth.
I started mapping out my life, why I made certain moves and when I reacted in ways I regretted. My career, my relationships, my life goals all brought into question. The constant reoccurrence of the realisation that, none of these choices were centred around my Deen.
I continued to read and listen to Islamic lectures, the wisdom behind each instruction shining like a bright light. Having the consequences of living “my own way” all listed out to me. The overwhelming feelings of love and safety pouring into my soul. Allah SWT knows the exact consequence of the choices we make, and he communicates that to us through the Quran, The Seerah and Hadith scriptures. They all go together like the layers of the Flower of life. No matter how deep you delve, there will always be more to discover.
As I travel on this journey, I came to realise how many more people there were like me. Born Muslims, who found confusion and contradiction in cultural narratives. Thirsty for liberation and freedom to be myself. Wanting to conquer the world but constantly facing some kind of hardship or heartache. Low self esteem leading me to be around people, who fed into negative cycles. Catering to peoples bad behaviour, out of “respect”, Love and even cultural manipulation. All the while carrying around childhood traumas, that took years of therapy to unravel.
Once I started unravelling all these layers, I was able to see a clear path forward. Centring my body, mind and Soul to be of service to Allah SWT.